How to help a friend who may be thinking about suicide
It can be hard to know what to say or do when you’re worried about a friend, roommate, classmate or another student. Here are some ways you can help your fellow Buffs. You don’t need to know for sure that someone is thinking about suicide before you check in—and you don’t have to handle the situation on your own.
For 24/7 crisis support, call Counseling & Psychiatric Services (CAPS) at 303-492-2277 or call or text 988.
If you think someone may be in immediate danger or at risk of harming themselves right now, call 911.
Know some of the warning signs of suicide
There isn’t one sign that tells you for sure that someone is thinking about suicide. If someone starts acting differently, says something that concerns you or seems to be having an especially difficult time, it’s okay to check in.
Warning signs may include:
- Talking about wanting to die or suicide
- Feeling hopeless, trapped or like there’s no reason to live
- Talking about being a burden to others
- Withdrawing from friends or activities
- Giving away important belongings or saying goodbye
- Taking unusual or dangerous risks
- Experiencing extreme mood changes
- Significant changes in sleep or eating
- Using alcohol or other substances more often
You don’t need to use this list as a checklist. If something feels off—maybe your roommate hasn’t left their room much, a friend has stopped showing up to class or someone says something that worries you—trust your concern and reach out.
Start the conversation
Find a private time to talk and start with what you’ve noticed.
You could say:
- “Hey, you haven’t seemed like yourself lately. How are you doing?”
- “I’ve noticed you’ve been missing class and haven’t been around much. I’m worried about you.”
- “You seemed really overwhelmed yesterday. Want to talk about what’s going on?”
You don’t need the perfect opening. Showing someone that you’ve noticed a change and care about them is a good place to start.
Ask directly about suicide
If you’re wondering whether someone may be thinking about suicide, ask them directly:
“I’m asking because I care about you. Are you thinking about suicide?”
Asking about suicide does not increase suicidal thoughts or behavior. Being direct gives someone an opportunity to tell you what they’re experiencing.
If they say no, you can still listen and offer support. If they say yes, take them seriously and help them connect with support.
If they say they’re thinking about suicide
Hearing “yes” can feel scary. You don’t need to figure everything out yourself. Focus on being present and getting support.
Listen without judgment. Give them space to talk rather than debating, lecturing or trying to solve everything. You might say, “I’m really glad you told me,” or, “Let’s figure out who we can reach out to together.”
Don’t promise to keep it secret. If you’re worried about their safety, getting help is more important than keeping the conversation between the two of you.
Connect them with support. Offer to sit with them while they call CAPS or 988. You can also call CAPS yourself if you’re concerned about another student and need guidance.
If you believe they may harm themselves right now, call 911. If someone tells you they are going to kill themselves, don’t leave them alone. Get professional or emergency support rather than trying to manage the situation yourself.
What if you can’t reach them?
Maybe a friend sent you a concerning text and stopped responding, or you have another reason to be seriously worried about their safety.
A welfare check may be an option when you can’t contact someone or confirm that they’re safe.
- On campus: CUPD at 303-492-6666
- Off campus in Boulder: Boulder Police at 303-441-3333
- Outside Boulder: Contact the local emergency or law enforcement agency where the person is located.
Not everyone feels safer when police are involved, and a welfare check may not be the right response in every situation. If there isn’t an immediate life-threatening emergency and you’re unsure what to do, call CAPS at 303-492-2277 for guidance.
Check in again
Support doesn’t have to end after the conversation. Send a text the next day, grab food together, walk to class or simply ask how they’re doing.
At the same time, you aren’t responsible for someone else’s mental health or for keeping them safe by yourself. Bring professional resources and other trusted people into their support system.
Take care of yourself, too
Supporting a friend who is struggling can be a lot to hold, especially if you're worried about their safety. You can ask for help for yourself, too.
CAPS can provide guidance if you're concerned about another student. Talking with someone you trust, getting support or taking time to decompress after a difficult conversation can also help.
Where to get help at CU Boulder
If someone needs urgent or same-day mental health support
- Counseling and Psychiatric Services (CAPS): Call 303-492-2277 for 24/7 support. CAPS provides crisis and urgent mental health support and can also help if you're concerned about another student.
- 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: Call or text 988 for 24/7 crisis support.
- Life-threatening emergency: Call 911 or go to the nearest emergency department.
If a student needs help navigating a difficult situation
- Student Outreach, Advocacy & Support (SOAS): SOAS provides non-clinical case management and can help students navigate challenging circumstances and connect with campus and community resources. SOAS is not an emergency or crisis service.
If you want to learn how to support others
- Ask the Question: This one-hour training helps participants feel more prepared to recognize warning signs for suicide, respond effectively, and refer to campus resources.
- Mental Health First Aid: This nationally recognized, full-day training can help students learn to recognize and respond to mental health and substance use concerns and connect people with appropriate support.
Sign up for these and other Health Promotion trainings.
Remember—you don’t need to diagnose someone, determine exactly how much danger they’re in or find the perfect words. Being the person who notices something is wrong and helps a fellow Buff connect with support can make a meaningful difference.
Thinking about talking to a therapist about suicide?
If you’re having thoughts of suicide yourself, you may be worried about what will happen if you tell a therapist. Will you have to go to the hospital? What will they ask? Who will know?
Learn what you can expect when you talk to a therapist about suicide, including how therapists assess your safety, what safety planning may look like and when hospitalization may be considered.