3 tips for dating in college

2) Embrace authenticity and connection 

We are all hardwired to seek clarity, safety and stability in our relationships. However, modern dating culture may feel like low accountability and casual interactions are expected. We may feel pressured to play it cool, be chill, minimize what we want/need or avoid committing too early. Feeling constrained by dating norms and expectations can cause increased anxiety and uncertainty. 

One way to combat this is to intentionally embrace authenticity and connection. Allow your true self to shine through, whether you’re meeting people online or in person. If you prefer apps, build a profile that reflects who you really are. Don’t be afraid to showcase your personality and values through photos, questionnaires or your bio. Staying true to your authentic self can make it more likely to find meaningful connections.  

Remember that you can take it slow and let things evolve. Spend as much time as you need to get to know yourself and a romantic interest. 

3) Identify and communicate your boundaries 

Boundaries represent the limits, rules or expectations we set for our behavior. Setting healthy boundaries can help us navigate relationships in a more positive way and avoid feelings of anger, resentment, regret or fatigue. 

Here are a few examples to consider: 

• Are you comfortable going out with someone who may be seeing other people at the same time? 
• Do you want to get to know someone over text before meeting up or meet up with people right away? 
• What physical touch are you comfortable with on a first date (e.g., handholding, hugging, kissing, sex, etc.)? How do you see physical touch evolving as you get to know someone? 
• How do you feel about going out with someone who has previously dated a friend or acquaintance? 
• Are there specific activities you’d like to avoid on dates (e.g., drinking, expensive outings, group events, etc.)? 

Clarifying our boundaries in our mind first can help us communicate them and establish a healthy relationship with ourselves and potential partners.  

Here are some ways you may set and communicate boundaries on dates: 

• “I am feeling uncomfortable. Can we do something else that we would both enjoy?” 
• “I’ve never done [activity] before. I’d like to go on a date with you, and I am down to try it. But if I end up not having a good time, will you be open if our plans need to change?” 
• “You’re hot and I really like you, but I’m not ready to have sex with you yet. Do you still want to meet up, or does that change your interest in going on our date?” 

Be honest about your expectations and trust your gut. If someone dismisses your boundaries or pushes you to do something you’re uncomfortable with, they’re probably not a good fit.