Tips for living with roommates off campus

Think through your expectations, habits and routines before you move in (or soon after) and come prepared to create a shared roommate agreement. You can use this free Roommate Agreement Template from Off-Campus Housing and Neighborhood Relations (OCHNR) to help you get started. OCHNR can also provide free legal advice if you have questions about your lease or rights when living with roommates. If you are looking for legal advice or assistance between yourself and your landlord, Student Legal Services (SLS) can help. SLS provides free legal consultations on tenant/landlord matters, including questions about leases. 

Be a good neighbor 

Living off campus comes with extra responsibilities, like being a good roommate and a good neighbor. Here are some simple ways you can be a good neighbor and avoid conflict with longer-term residents: 

• Introduce yourself: Introduce yourself to your neighbors. If you’re nervous about introducing yourself in person, consider filling out this free Neighbor Contact Form to leave in their mailbox or on their front door. 
• Follow city ordinances: Make sure you’re aware of Boulder ordinances, including occupancy restrictions, furniture and trash requirements, snow removal, yard maintenance and fireworks laws. Reviewing these rules can help you avoid citations, nuisance complaints and other forms of conflict with neighbors or law enforcement. Be sure to also follow neighborhood or community rules related to pet waste, street parking, etc. It’s also important to know that everyone listed on a lease can receive a citation for ordinance infractions, regardless of whether or not you are all present at the time of the infraction. If you have questions about city ordinances, get in touch with Student Legal Services. They can also help with legal issues if you do receive a citation. 
• Make amends: Stuff happens. You may forget to take out your trash or park in front of a neighbor’s driveway (whoops). If you make a mistake that may annoy neighbors, remember to handle the situation in person, listen to your neighbor’s perspective and consider making appropriate amends (e.g., helping with lawn care, shoveling snow, taking out trash, etc.). 

Understand conflict styles 

Everyone handles conflict differently, depending on the situation, their conflict style and who they’re in conflict with. However, there are some common themes that may show up in a person’s response again and again. Exploring how you approach conflict can be a great starting point for learning or refining your skills around conflict resolution.  

Take our free Conflict Style Quiz to learn how you approach conflict and how your ‘default’ response may impact your behaviors or attitudes in different situations. You can also share this quiz with your roommates or housemates to start the conversation around how different people handle conflict.  

Take the Conflict Style Quiz

Practice communication skills 

It’s best to address roommate issues quickly before they fester. Addressing issues through texting, social media or sticky notes on the door may lead to miscommunication or increased frustrations. This is because we can’t always know how the message will be received by the other person. A simple reminder to “take out the trash” may turn into something more. 

Instead, try to address any potential issues in person. It can be helpful to make a plan and think through how you can express your needs before approaching your roommate. Using “I” statements to describe how the situation makes you feel is a helpful way to start. 

Validating the other person lets them know you understand where they are coming from and hear their point of view. Remember that you do not have to agree with the other person to validate what they said. It simply allows you to show that you understand their experience. 

Here are some examples: 

• “I feel hurt when I’m not invited to game night because I really enjoy hanging out with you.” 
• “I feel frustrated when the trash doesn’t get taken out because we agreed to switch off who takes care of it each week.” 
• “I am upset that my coat was damaged because I can’t afford to replace it.” 
• “I feel hurt when my snacks get eaten by others because it’s hard for me to make it to the grocery store.” 
• “I understand that you were hurt when I didn’t offer you a ride to campus, that was not my intention, but I understand why you feel this way.” 

When talking through issues with your roommates, remember to listen for understanding and ask follow-up questions during the conversation. Resist the urge to formulate a response to what the other person is saying while they’re speaking. Instead, you should be focusing your full attention on the emotions, issues and reasoning behind what your roommate is saying.