Returning home after being away at college can create conflict if family members have different expectations. Set up a time to discuss the plan for summer with your family. Allow each person to share their point of view and agree on each family member's responsibilities. Open dialogue can help everyone feel more comfortable and clear so that you enjoy your time together.
Discuss topics that matter to you and your family. Here are a few issues that often arise for college students returning home over the summer.
Money
Determine the financial plan for the summer. Does your family assume you will find a summer job and cover expenses like entertainment, gas and clothes? Do you need to save for next year’s college expenses? Talk about the expectations to avoid frustration or lack of funds.
House rules
While you were away at college, you had more freedom in your schedule. However, when returning home, your family may have different expectations for guests and curfew. If other family members have traditional work hours during the week, they may not want guests over in the evenings. Additionally, your family may expect you to let them know when you plan to be home or if you are staying out for the night.
Transportation
You likely didn’t need a car during your first year in Boulder. Yet, you may need reliable transportation for your summer job or social plans. If you don’t have a car or access to public transportation at home and need to share or get a ride, it’s best to set those expectations upfront. Discuss how your family will manage transportation so everyone can get where they need to be on time.
Chores
Your family may expect you to contribute to household chores over the summer. Talk with your family about who will handle each task. You may have more responsibilities now that you are older. Or you may have fewer responsibilities if you work more hours outside the home over the summer. The important thing is to create a schedule for chores so that everyone contributes to the workload.
Food and meals
Determine how your family will manage food and meal preparation over the summer. Talk about who will pay for groceries, shop for food and cook the meals. Also, decide whether your family expects you to communicate with them about when you will be home for meals and when you will eat independently.
Partying
Whether you’re 21 or underage, your family may not have the same view of partying as you. For instance, your family may bar you from using alcohol or other substances at home or impose a curfew when you go out with friends. It can be helpful to start a conversation about expectations related to alcohol and substance use to ensure that everyone is on the same page. It’s also important to be open to your family’s wishes and expectations, even if you disagree. If a conflict arises, try to engage in a constructive conversation and work to find a middle ground.
Create a respectful environment for the summer
Everyone’s family situation is different, with varying expectations. Yet, most families work better with clear communication and mutual respect. As you talk with your family, be willing to compromise, keep an open mind and respect other points of view.